I was grateful to come across this article (and short film) on street harassment while perusing Clutch earlier today. Grateful because I'm afraid it's one of those topics I have grown somewhat numb around. Street harassment, especially in the summer, is such a given (especially here in NYC), I barely notice the way I brace myself everyday for it before going outside alone anymore.
Thinking about street harassment, and what it means sends a chill down my spine. It isn't about beauty or attraction, as it so often is innocently worded by the harasser to begin with. It's about power, about control, even if only for a moment. If you've ever walked past one of these advances without giving it any energy and found yourself walking away from a slew of insults (let's say, "Bitch!" for example, or "Oh you think you all that?!"), or quasi guilt trips ("You can't speak?!"), you know what I'm talking about. Control, if only for a moment.
I usually just walk past. It's the most honest, sane (and safe) thing to do in most cases. Engaging seems like it would be akin to arguing with a drunk. I walk past, while reminding myself of some simple facts about the moment: This will be over in a matter of seconds. This man is at a standstill on this sidewalk, talking sh#t, and I am going somewhere. Long neck, chin level with the ground, half a smile on my face, I walk past.
What do you do? Do you ever feel the need to talk back? Have you ever just snapped?
Check out film maker Nuala Cabral's short film on the subject, Walking Home.
This short film is fantastic.
ReplyDeleteYou know, when I did my no-mirrors project, one of the things that jumped out at me was how not bracing my own self for how I felt I looked meant I also wasn't bracing myself for street harassment. Every time it happened that month, I felt utterly shocked--I had to stop myself from actually being like "Excuse me?"--not because I was trying to prove a point but because I genuinely felt confused as to why someone would say that to me. It was a space of naivete, in a way, and I'm still trying to puzzle out the link between the two. But I'd suggest that the act of bracing yourself for it, as you mention here, is so deeply internalized that we don't know where our expectations end and where others' harassment begins.
And oh, yes, I've snapped. Sometimes just because I'm exhausted or feisty, and sometimes because the comment was SO outrageous that I couldn't help it, or the setting so inappropriate. Not long ago I started full-on yelling at a man in a Barnes & Noble who kept telling me I was pretty even after I asked him to go away, like a full-on, big-lungs, "FUCK YOU." I wasn't proud of myself but it did get him to stop.
It also got me thinking about the racial dynamics at play in that situation. (Which is part of why I like this film, that it addresses racial dynamics, like the idea that if a black man harasses a white woman it's OK in the name of solidarity? Whereas on my end I might be called racist if I talk back to a man of color.) I'm white and this man was black, and I noticed in nervously glancing around the bookstore after my outburst that people were looking at me and nodding in solidarity. I immediately wondered if this would be different if we were of the same color (either white or black) or if our races were reversed. Did my race enable onlookers to intuit that while I was reacting out of proportion, I was also, well, yelling in the middle of a damn bookstore? Were I black would I have been "that crazy black lady" screaming in the bookstore? ("Crazy" being a favorite term of dismissal based on race or sex without being directly about either.) Or was it so apparent what was happening that our colors were irrelevant?
I see & hear it all of the time. I'm not sure if Street Harassment ever works for anyone. I choose to never speak to women this way because it's very disrespectful. My main problem with Street Harassment is how it effects the women in my life. I remember yelling back at men as they said things to my mother as we walked down the street together. It always freaked me out... I remember getting a whippin'for yelling at a man who commented on my mother's body. She told me to never speak to adults that way... I'm still confused about that one. As a young man, I felt that some young women didn't mind men talking to them that way. If you guy was in a nice car & wore a thick gold chain & called out to a woman, she might be into it. Since I was a poor church going teen, I never tried that route. I met women at chruch, school or the dancefloor. I know my sisters always complained about men being rude on the street, so I tried my best not to be "that guy". Thank you for writing this blog post.... To be honest, men have developed a lot of bad habits. Street Harassment is a really bad habit that needs to be broken... Most of these men probably have very limited conversation skills.
ReplyDelete@ Autumn,
ReplyDeleteYou bring up such great points to think about.
First off, I am so sorry you had to go through the incident at the bookstore. But I also have to admit to (and thank you for) a certain sense of vicarious delight I feel at imagining your "full on big lungs" outburst. I have dreamt of it but haven't been there myself. The thing that really gets me in moments like that is the potential for harm...Since harassers are already displaying such inappropriate behavior, in such a natural (to them) way, I assume there's plenty more where that came from, that what I'm seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. So my first priority is always to just get out of the situation, to keep moving. At the same time, some part of me wants to be verbal, to say something back...
And yes, the ever-present racial dynamics... While there were too many variables in your incident at the bookstore to be able tell how the racial dynamics were actually playing in folks' heads, I think the fact that you said 'F*CK YOU' and 'Leave me alone' must have helped clarify the situation for any onlookers. What if you had been a racist and reacted as such(racist language,etc..)? Now that would have been some kind of a social pickle. And yes, what if you'd been Black? It's sad, but yes, I think it might have made a difference in peoples' reactions.
You really hit the nail on the head when you suggest that the bracing "is so deeply internalized that we don't know where our expectations end and where others' harassment begins."
What an adventure womanhood is ...
@ anonymous
Thank you for being the opposite of the men we're talking about here. Your perspective is a breath of fresh air I wish I could send blowing up and down my block. For real.
Thank you both for reading, and commenting.
-y.l.d.